You Gotta Order

You got to give 'em your order. Before I start, I

just want to say that I don't actually drink coffee. And I'm

going to talk about ordering at Starbucks. So I'm probably going

to sound like a right fool. Because I don't know anything

about anything about Starbucks, even the sizes of the cups is

confusing.

But I do know this, they

will customize a coffee order to the end of the

earth. And so people walk in there, and they have like

their regular order, like, nobody orders, almost nobody

orders black coffee anymore. Apparently, we order like

half-Caf-mocha-latte-something-something-I don't know. But everybody knows

what their order is. Everybody walks in, everybody speaks it

fluently. It's like a whole other language in there. And

then most of the time, the baristas make the coffee. And

the person picks up their order at the end of the counter,

because they know that that's how that system works, because

it's a whole other world in there.

And, and then they drink their coffee and they're happy.

And that's why people go to Starbucks because they know that

no matter which Starbucks they go to, they'll get basically the

same coffee if they give basically the same order.

And that basically the same coffee

is what they want. They don't want to deal with uncertainty in

their caffeine delivery. They like consistency. They like

regularity. They like knowing that if it's bad, at least it's

bad in the same way that it's always bad. And if it's good,

it's good in the same way that it's always good. And it doesn't

matter if you're in Kansas or in California.

But here's the thing, here's the key to that perfect seamless

interstate experience, you got to give them

the same order. In fact, you got to give them an order that asks

for the thing you want, you got to ask for exactly what you want

in the way that you want it. If you want them to foam or not

foam or whipped cream or not whipped cream or extra shots or

extra flavoring or extra ice or no ice at all. Like you have to

ask for the thing the way you want it. And you can ask for it

exactly

the way you want it. But you do have to ask. And when you ask

you're

rewarded with exactly the thing you want. And so most people get

pretty good at asking for exactly the thing they want in

the language that Starbucks uses to understand what all of these

complicated requests are.

You have to ask. The key to being served well, is being

known. The key to

being served well is being known. I was recently in a

Clubhouse interview with Monica Scantlebury, and she and I were

talking about boundaries and leadership. The key to being

served

well is being known well and whether we like to talk about it

or not, when someone is in your employ, there is a way in which

they are there to serve you. They are there to meet a need

that you have, you are paying them to be in your service for a

particular period of time or for a particular task. But they have

to know you, they have to know you and the more they know you

the better a chance that they'll give you what you want the first

time, that they'll anticipate your needs well, that they'll be

able to fulfill,

above and beyond,

above and beyond the basics, above and beyond the letter of

the instruction. Because it's one thing to go into a Starbucks

where nobody knows you and give your standard order and get your

standard coffee. But it's another thing to walk into the

Starbucks where you go in every morning

at exactly 8:05. And you

often end up standing between the same people in line and when

you get to the counter,

the barista smiles and says "the usual?" and you say "yes, thank

you." And you

make the tip a little bigger because you like the barista

because you like this location because he like the feeling of

being known. You didn't have to spit out that long string of

adjectives that explained how you wanted your coffee, because

they've been making your coffee that way for a long time,

and they remember.

They already know. They don't just know what those words mean.

They know you. And so they can save you all of those words. You

don't need those words unless you're doing something different

from usual. They can just use what they know to serve you well

and then, they put an extra note on the cup because they know

your birthday is coming up or something happens and

something's not right. And the barista just, you know, slides

you a little cookie across the counter as compensation for the

trouble because they know you and

you know them. When you have someone working for you, the

more they know

about you, the more they know about how you think and how you

operate and what you want, the better a job they can do, of

their job, because their job in some ways is to serve you if

they're working for you. And so they can know that if you're

running more than five minutes late and you haven't texted,

you're probably not coming to that meeting, they can ask you,

if you're coming to that meeting, they can make sure they

have your coffee ready, they can whatever it is that they have

learned about you

that you need.

They can automatically show up to the meeting with the Google

Doc for the notes already created and already shared with

you, so that you can watch those notes scroll by as they take

notes on your conversation, so that you can feel secure knowing

that those things have been written down. And also, because

they know that you know that reading the words helps to

cement them in your brain. And that you don't have to tell them

all that every time you tell them that once or they learn it

by being in your presence. But the more you can tell them the

faster it is, the easier it

is. To be served well as to be known well.

Does that involve vulnerability? Yeah. To some extent it does. If

you have an assistant, they probably know more of your flaws

than almost anybody else. Does that involve risk? Sure.

big risk, big reward. But you

gotta tell them. You got to tell them what you want, you got to

tell them what you need, you got to be honest about all the

things that you do well, and all the things that you don't do

well, and the reason that you really needed to hire them in

the first place. And you gotta be honest about what makes you

feel good and what doesn't, and how they can help you feel

better. It still counts even if you have to ask for it. In

relationships, I know a lot of people think that it doesn't

count if they have to ask to be told that someone loves them.

Because if it didn't arise spontaneously out of their

partner's lips, then it doesn't, doesn't feel real, it doesn't

feel genuine. But what I know is that if I need to hear that

someone loves me, and I don't ask,

they might know me well enough to know to say it anyway. But

they might be distracted, they might be tired, they might be

having a bad day. They might just feel it so strongly that

they feel like they don't have to say it. Not consciously but

unconsciously, it might just feel like a thing that exudes

out of every pore from all of the things that they do for me

and all the ways that they are with me. And

it might just be me that needs the words. But the only way I'm

going to get those words is to ask.

And the key to all of this stuff, at the bottom of the

bottom of all of it, is that you have to know yourself well

enough to know what to ask for. You have to know what you need.

You need to know what you're good at and where you always

break down. You need to know what you love and what you

resist even though you're perfectly competent at it. You

need to know what's getting in the way of the next thing. Not

so that you can overcome it all and become a superhuman person,

which is what we're mostly taught in school is that you

have to work on your weak spots and take your strong spots for

granted. But in fact, I think it's the reverse we need to play

to our strengths.

And then allow

ourselves to be in community, in collaboration, with other people

where we need help, where we need support, where we're not as

strong. Recently, a redwood tree in my neighborhood fell over,

there was a huge windstorm. And this enormous tree just toppled

into the park. At first everyone was really surprised, in a good

way, because it had toppled into the park and not toward the

street. Not toward any of the many houses that surrounded it.

It was right on the corner of the park right at an

intersection. It could have crushed anything and it didn't.

It sheared all the branches off of another tree in the park. But

it fell into a completely empty field.

And it wasn't

until somebody thought about the root structures of redwoods,

that they figured out what happened. See the street and the

sidewalk, and the curb, and a little retaining wall, had all

been put in at that corner of the park. And when they did

that, they cut the very shallow root structure of this

enormously tall tree on two sides, but only on two sides.

And those two sides were the sides that faced the street and

so when it fell, it was still attached

in the direction of the park, so that's toward the park is where

it fell. Because the roots that were no longer there to hold it

up, were on the street side.

But if you go to look at the Redwoods in their natural

habitat,

they're never far from each other.

redwoods are a forest, the living being, the organism, is

the forest itself.

Each individual tree is

a fruiting body almost like a mushroom with a mycelial network

under it. Each individual tree is its own thing, but its own

thing in the context of a community. And so these shallow

roots, because these enormously tall trees only have root

systems that are six or seven feet deep. These shallow root

systems work because they work in a network, because they are

interlaced and interlocked. And so one tree blowing in a strong

wind shifts back and forth. And if you're standing in the

forest, when that happens, you can feel the ground ripple under

your feet as the shock and the stress and the strain spread out

through the entire network of trees, through the roots under

your feet. Through the whole living body. We need to be in

community where we're weakest. It's only when we're not in

community that we fall down. And as leaders, that's more true,

not less. Thanks for tuning in. I'll see you next time.